mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize