fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
