he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
