trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize