I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
