u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
