How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
