we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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