I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
