it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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