Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
