remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
