I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize