I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
