I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
