I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize