Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had to cum in my sink.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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