My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize