i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
