Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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