what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
