"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
