she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
