he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
