It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
