yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
