Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
