Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
