If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize