If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
