i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
