I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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