I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
