Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
