I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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