you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
