Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
