piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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