I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
