Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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