Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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