I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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