I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
