he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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