I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
