I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We need to get me chipped asap
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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