Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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