So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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