So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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