I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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