One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
