we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
