WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You pole danced in your parka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
