she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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