Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
