I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize