im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
