i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
