you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
