so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
