hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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