Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
