Apparently you make a good broom.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
