My hair reeks of homosexuality.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
