i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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