Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize