I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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