Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
