he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
