oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize