Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
