I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
