Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
