I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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