I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
