My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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