my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
