Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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