Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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