..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
