If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
