He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
