we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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