I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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