Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
