On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
