she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
