I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
