It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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