even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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