I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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