apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
