He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
