Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
