I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
