nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
