she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Too much gin, very little bucket
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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