i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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