explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
