pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
