at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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