The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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