He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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