i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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