oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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